Are Rewards Ok ?
Are Rewards Ok ?
I remember the days of treasure boxes. I had an old sewing box that was painted gold. I had carefully chosen Jewels hot glued to the top that made it extra special. When children did something special or had a amazing day they were allowed to get something out of the treasure box. There was even a chart accompanying that. I finally stop doing that when parents began to come in every day and just ask their child “did you get something out the treasure box …did you have a good day? “When a child is picked up at the end of the day I really want the conversation with their adult to be something other than “were you good or bad today?” ( Sidenote: Behavior charts are actually against minimum standards in licensed facilities now. If you see them just take note that that person is choosing not only to go against research but also the minimum standards set for the state of Arkansas)
 When we offer rewards or punishments- the focus becomes external instead of internal.
Consequences encourage children to think about what they have done and what effect it has had on them and the people around them. Can’t the world use more of that?. Have you ever said about a young adult -“Does he even think about what he does?” Many times children that are raised in reward and punishment type situations engage less in thinking- they are waiting on someone else to gauge their success. Consequences teach us to reflect on what we do.
A reward carries the message of threat just as much as punishment. Basically it says if you don’t meet the standard of behavior that I have set for this reward then you will be missing out on something. Reminder that our brain functions less when we are under threat. Therefore a reward puts our brain in a mode of operating less than its capability.  
So – rewards. We’ve all done them. I did one THE DAY I WAS IN CONSCIOUS DISCIPLINE CLASS 😳😳😳😳 I said ” if you have a great day while we are out I will get a surprise for you .” I did !! Food !! Little Debbie cake 😳😳😳 We are all in this together learning to be better. Let’s live in a way that our children have positive behavior because they can and they want to be helpful and safe. We want their reaction to be ” I did it!” Not ” what do I get ?”